youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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