He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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