I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
