Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
