I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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