Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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