I wish I could teleport
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
