Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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