Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
