Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
