You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
