bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
