Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize