I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
