I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
