i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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