I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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