Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
