Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
