I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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