I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
vagina is talking i cant
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
