Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
