When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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