Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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