Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
