yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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