dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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