is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
