We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
