I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
