Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Randomize
