I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
