I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
