It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I supernannyed him into submission
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
