I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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