You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
