I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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