thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
