Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
