u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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