do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
