Who wears a wallet chain?!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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