Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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