Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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