is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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