Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
