Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize