i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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