I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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