Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
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you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
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VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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