I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
