My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
