it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We were destined to go to rehab together
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
sex in a hospital.. check
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
